Week 19

Week 19!  Christmas cant get here soon enough!  My goodness the days have been long and crazy busy.  I am tired, tired, tired!  The boys and I went up north again last weekend to visit Josh.  We rode the train this time with my mother in law and had a fabulous time!  Taking the train is the way to go with little ones.  So much fun being able to walk around, use the restroom and eat a meal all without stopping.  There is no way I would travel by train by myself with the boys but having my mother in law there to help made it very enjoyable and not stressful.  We stayed downtown sac and had a great time walking around and we visited Santa!  hahaha both boys screamed/cried and refused to take a pic.  After a very "are you kidding me these are MY children.....what!? I have those type of kids" thought, I forced them both to sit on his lap and paid a small fortune for a santa pic with both boys pouty lips and all.  hahahaha  I'm sure the people around me thought I was crazy.  I'm feeling lost as a parent without Josh.  I have since day one of the academy.  I keep reminding myself that I cant mess them up completely in 6 months.  Ok, ok I'm sure its not as bad as I think but I'm tired and every little thing they do wrong I feel soley responsible for.  Anything they do is a reflection on me and me alone right now and thats a lot of pressure.  Oh how I miss my Husband! 
There has been a lot going on for Josh at the academy.  Lots of tests including all the scenario testing.  I just keep praying for this week and next week to be over.  I'm doing pretty good with not worrying and really have givin it all up to the Lord.  I dont know if its because my Faith has grown or if im just too tired to care.  Sad to say but just the truth.  I always said I would be 100% honest on this blog.  No fluff here!  Josh sounds like he is doing so good and is really gaining confidence.  Something I have been praying for a lot lately.  They have so much pressure on them this week.  4 cadets have already been sent home this week and sadly the reality is many more will probably be sent home before they reach graduation.  Praying praying that Josh is not one of them.
The bad news is Lord willing we make it to graduation day, we are moving!  Dream sheets came out and there is nothing in the central division.  We dont know where yet but hopefully soon we will find out.  In the meantime I am just trying to get through the next two weeks, enjoy Christmas with Josh being home for 4 days and then I will really focus on packing up the house.  A lot of emotion goes with this news.  We both have been prepared and knew from day 1 that this would probably happen.  We have been prepared for it but at the same time I was holding onto a little hope that we might not have to move.  I am not looking forward to moving but I know that when its all said and done we will be happy because we will have each other.  At this point we are looking at it as an adventure.  We have no control on where we are being transferred to so it makes it easy not to stress about it.     
The boys and I are heading up to Sac again this weekend to visit.  We will be driving with my Father in Law this time and staying with family.  I'm looking forward to it because as of now Josh will be able to stay with us 2 nights instead of just 1.  :)  YAY!  Then after this weekend he will be home for 4 nights for Christmas!!!!!!! Oh I can't wait!  It will be Joshs first time home since Thanksgiving.  We are all really looking forward to it.  Praying Josh passes all of his scenario tests by the end of today and continues to persevere through to the end.

With Love,
Trina 

Week 18

Week 18!  4 months down only 2 more to go!  2 more months....seems like a long way to go but I know it will fly by.  Josh did great last week and passed his test.  Thank you Jesus.  The boys and I went to visit him this past weekend since he didnt have time to come home.  I'm very thankful we were able to see him for one night but it was much harder on the boys not having daddy home.  S screamed and threw a fit when we said goodbye.  It was the first time that Josh witnessed S break down and I know it tore his heart apart.  S was crying hysterically and yelling at Josh to come home and not go back to school.  It was a very emotional goodbye for all of us.  I am use to S having these break down moments.  They come every so often when he is really missing his dad but Josh hasnt so I think it really caught him off guard.  He knows the boys miss him and are sad when he leaves but to watch S emotionally loose it was a whole new thing.  With that being said I'm not sure what to do about this weekend.  I dont know what is worse not seeing Josh at all or breaking the boys hearts again when daddy doesnt come home with us again.  On the drive home L was crying, "Me want daddy.  Daddy home." :( How do you explain this to a two year old?  There is no right answer.  I think if the boys skipped a weekend of seeing their dad all together it would be more difficult but I just dont know.  So we will see if we head up there again.  Meanwhile the boys and I are doing fine, yes we miss Josh like crazy but we really are doing ok.  Yesterday we had lots of family and friends in and out of the house which made the day fly by.  We just have to keep hanging in there for a couple more months and then we will have our Man of the house back!  :) Can't wait.  He really is missed around here and very obviously needed.  Sorry for a another short post this week.  Im tired and dont have too much to say.  Just praying for Josh to continue persevering through and the next 2 months to fly by.

With Love,
Trina