Week 19

Week 19!  Christmas cant get here soon enough!  My goodness the days have been long and crazy busy.  I am tired, tired, tired!  The boys and I went up north again last weekend to visit Josh.  We rode the train this time with my mother in law and had a fabulous time!  Taking the train is the way to go with little ones.  So much fun being able to walk around, use the restroom and eat a meal all without stopping.  There is no way I would travel by train by myself with the boys but having my mother in law there to help made it very enjoyable and not stressful.  We stayed downtown sac and had a great time walking around and we visited Santa!  hahaha both boys screamed/cried and refused to take a pic.  After a very "are you kidding me these are MY children.....what!? I have those type of kids" thought, I forced them both to sit on his lap and paid a small fortune for a santa pic with both boys pouty lips and all.  hahahaha  I'm sure the people around me thought I was crazy.  I'm feeling lost as a parent without Josh.  I have since day one of the academy.  I keep reminding myself that I cant mess them up completely in 6 months.  Ok, ok I'm sure its not as bad as I think but I'm tired and every little thing they do wrong I feel soley responsible for.  Anything they do is a reflection on me and me alone right now and thats a lot of pressure.  Oh how I miss my Husband! 
There has been a lot going on for Josh at the academy.  Lots of tests including all the scenario testing.  I just keep praying for this week and next week to be over.  I'm doing pretty good with not worrying and really have givin it all up to the Lord.  I dont know if its because my Faith has grown or if im just too tired to care.  Sad to say but just the truth.  I always said I would be 100% honest on this blog.  No fluff here!  Josh sounds like he is doing so good and is really gaining confidence.  Something I have been praying for a lot lately.  They have so much pressure on them this week.  4 cadets have already been sent home this week and sadly the reality is many more will probably be sent home before they reach graduation.  Praying praying that Josh is not one of them.
The bad news is Lord willing we make it to graduation day, we are moving!  Dream sheets came out and there is nothing in the central division.  We dont know where yet but hopefully soon we will find out.  In the meantime I am just trying to get through the next two weeks, enjoy Christmas with Josh being home for 4 days and then I will really focus on packing up the house.  A lot of emotion goes with this news.  We both have been prepared and knew from day 1 that this would probably happen.  We have been prepared for it but at the same time I was holding onto a little hope that we might not have to move.  I am not looking forward to moving but I know that when its all said and done we will be happy because we will have each other.  At this point we are looking at it as an adventure.  We have no control on where we are being transferred to so it makes it easy not to stress about it.     
The boys and I are heading up to Sac again this weekend to visit.  We will be driving with my Father in Law this time and staying with family.  I'm looking forward to it because as of now Josh will be able to stay with us 2 nights instead of just 1.  :)  YAY!  Then after this weekend he will be home for 4 nights for Christmas!!!!!!! Oh I can't wait!  It will be Joshs first time home since Thanksgiving.  We are all really looking forward to it.  Praying Josh passes all of his scenario tests by the end of today and continues to persevere through to the end.

With Love,
Trina 

Week 18

Week 18!  4 months down only 2 more to go!  2 more months....seems like a long way to go but I know it will fly by.  Josh did great last week and passed his test.  Thank you Jesus.  The boys and I went to visit him this past weekend since he didnt have time to come home.  I'm very thankful we were able to see him for one night but it was much harder on the boys not having daddy home.  S screamed and threw a fit when we said goodbye.  It was the first time that Josh witnessed S break down and I know it tore his heart apart.  S was crying hysterically and yelling at Josh to come home and not go back to school.  It was a very emotional goodbye for all of us.  I am use to S having these break down moments.  They come every so often when he is really missing his dad but Josh hasnt so I think it really caught him off guard.  He knows the boys miss him and are sad when he leaves but to watch S emotionally loose it was a whole new thing.  With that being said I'm not sure what to do about this weekend.  I dont know what is worse not seeing Josh at all or breaking the boys hearts again when daddy doesnt come home with us again.  On the drive home L was crying, "Me want daddy.  Daddy home." :( How do you explain this to a two year old?  There is no right answer.  I think if the boys skipped a weekend of seeing their dad all together it would be more difficult but I just dont know.  So we will see if we head up there again.  Meanwhile the boys and I are doing fine, yes we miss Josh like crazy but we really are doing ok.  Yesterday we had lots of family and friends in and out of the house which made the day fly by.  We just have to keep hanging in there for a couple more months and then we will have our Man of the house back!  :) Can't wait.  He really is missed around here and very obviously needed.  Sorry for a another short post this week.  Im tired and dont have too much to say.  Just praying for Josh to continue persevering through and the next 2 months to fly by.

With Love,
Trina 

Week 17

Week 17!  Only 10 more!  It's Thursday and I usually blog earlier in the week than this but this week has been a little busy.  I am secretly freaking out right now but trying my hardest to stay positive.  As I'm typing this Josh is being tested on something and if he doesnt pass my phone will be ringing and he will have packed his bags and be headed home!  I have no idea what we would do.  No job.  No income.  Very little left in savings.  All this sacrifice and hard work for what?  This is something we talked a lot about before we decided to go through with this but we gave it all up to the Lord then and we will continue to give it all up to Him now.  I have Faith and I know that no matter what the outcome we will get through it because we are never alone.  It will all be ok.  It will all be ok.  :) ok that felt good to give myself a little pep talk.  I've discovered that writing is very therapeutic.  hahaha
Thanksgiving break was such a blessing!  It was soooooo nice to have Josh home for 4 days!  We definitely ate way too much but enjoyed every bit of it.  Monday was really hard on S.  I think he enjoyed Josh being home so much that when he left he was just devastated.  When I was praying with him this morning for Josh to pass his test today S interrupted me and said I dont want daddy to pass I want daddy to come home.  This broke my heart.  It is so hard to explain to him that this is for our good.  All this sacrifice and hard work now will make for a better future for us as a family.  Bottom line is hes 4 years old and just wants his dad home today.  He doesnt care about tomorrow!  The good thing is he IS ONLY 4 and he prob wont remember most of this.  If theres one thing I want him to take/learn from this experience is how important it is to Trust God and stick together as a family.  I'm praying for good news tonight and hoping my phone doesnt ring this afternoon. 

With Love,
Trina     

Week 16

Week 16 here we go!  Only 11 more!  I am so thankful that week 15 is over and we will never have to go through it again.  Last week was by far the most difficult for Josh and definitely the most difficult for me at home.  If you read my blog from last week you know why.  I was pretty much an emotional wreck all week and basically was running on survival mode.  Josh was the same.  He came home with bruises on his face, a black eye and a busted lip.  They practiced boxing last week. Good times!  He later found out the cadet he went up against used to do kick boxing for fun! The not so good news from last week is Josh did not pass the pistol certification out at the range. If you've been keeping up with my blog you know already that range has been the biggest challenge for him so far.  He will be given one last chance to try again in a few weeks.  We are not exactly sure when yet.  Please be praying for him.  The good news is he passed rifle and shotgun!  It's a scary position to be in when you dont pass something the first time and you only have one last chance to try again.  There is a lot of added pressure and stress.  I believe in him though and I know he is going to pass the next time.  He has a great attitude about it.  Bottom line though it's not in our control anyway so why worry!?  Right?  (I have to keep reminding myself that)  :) I am so excited that this week is a short week because of Thanksgiving.  Josh will be home wed night and he doesnt have to go back until Sunday!  I'm hoping the 4 days go by extremely slow because it will be the last time he can come home for a while.  I'm not too sure when he will be home again if at all until Christmas.  :( I dont want to think about it too much because I dont know how I'm going to do it yet.  It is hard enough saying goodbye for a week.  Saying goodbye for 2 possibly 3 weeks doesnt seem duable.  I continue to say that things never slow down for the cadets and I can say it again this week.  The pace at the academy is crazy.  It's funny because before starting you can talk to people and they tell you how difficult it is but you dont really get it until you live it.  The same goes for me.  I can somewhat feel for him but only he and the others there can really comprehend what it is like.  All I can do is continue to pray for him and rest assure that the Lord is taking care of him.  He went through a lot last week both physically and mentally but he never gave up and I know he will continue to persevere through until the end.  He is determined and I am right here cheering him on.  His strength and willingness to sacrifice so much continues to amaze me.  I am so blessed to have such a hard working husband who truly cares.  Only 2 more nights and he will be home.  The boys and I cant wait.  S is so excited to see so many "smile face" days on his calendar in a row!    The days continue to come and go.  Not fast enough but at least they are going by.  S's favorite movie quote from Meet the Robinson's, "Keep moving forward!"  :)

With Love,
Trina

Week 15

Four years ago today was the worst day of my life.  Today is the day that my life changed forever.  It started at 5:00 am with a phone call from my dad.  Josh answered the phone and told me Trin it's your mom we have to go.  It wasnt unusual for us to have to go down to the ER for my mom.  She always had something going on.  I can remember being overwhelmed because S was 8 months old and I needed to pack the diaper bag and grab milk from the fridge because I didnt know how long we would be down there.  Then I remember Josh telling me we're not going to the ER we are going to your parents house.  I was confused.  I called my dad as we loaded up in the car and I will never forget the sound of his voice.  I instantly panicked and started yelling at him to do CPR.  He was extremely emotional and I told him he needed to slow down and do CPR.  I was asking him all kinds of questions and he responded with the medics are here and they are handling it, there was nothing he could do.  Fear overwhelmed me.  When we drove up to the drive way I saw the ambulance parked and my sister was outside, knees on the ground crying uncontrollably.  Josh didnt even have time to put the car in park before I opened the door and ran into the house.  I found my dad standing with 3 paramedics and a blanket on the living room floor covering my mom.  She was gone.  She had been gone before my dad had called me.  I cant even begin to put into words how I felt.  I instantly fell to my knees and buried my head into my hands.   My body felt like it was floating.  I had no control and I felt sick.  This extreme feeling of sickness.  My dad came over to me and put his arms around me.  Josh came into the house with S in his arms and quickly came over to me and held me. I immediatly called my brother and told him.  Josh went to pick him up so he didnt have to drive. I had my sister who I wanted to comfort but didnt know how to.  My dad who I cant even describe his emotions and how he looked.  I had these strangers in my house (police officers and paramedics) wanting to ask me questions about my mom and dad and all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs.  We had to wait for the coroner to come to the house and place my mom on a gurney to be wheeled away.  They made us wait in the other room as they moved her and then asked us if we wanted to say our goodbyes.  I held my moms blue cold hand and kissed her goodbye.  All that was left was the spot on the carpet dented by where she layed.  The rest of the day is a big blur.  The day was filled with lots of tears and hugs and quickly the house filled up with more and more family and friends as the news quickly spread. Josh, S and I stayed at the house for a week.  For one week we lived at my parents house trying to grasp what was going on, overwhelmed with a to do list of things for the funeral.  My mom had just turned 46,  a few months before she passed.  She had a rare blood disease called lupus anticoagulant, protein S deficiency and factor V leiden.  She lived most of her life in and out of the hospital.  Weekly Dr. appointments, weekly lab draws over 10 surgeries, and too many to count hospitalizations.  They told us that she passed away from respiratory and cardiac arrest.  A blood clot had passed.  A fear she always lived with.  I havnt told a lot of people the story of that morning because it is hard to put into words and I cant get through it emotionally.  It feels good to be able to share that morning by writing.  Something I havnt been able to do yet.  It's been four years today but it feels like it just happened yesterday.  I cant believe I have lived 4 years without my moms love, advice, comfort and daily hugs!  I miss my morning phone calls from her.  Yes she called me every morning and most of the time too early!  :) My favorite morning saying, "oh I'm sorry did I wake you?" :)  I miss her comforting hugs her funny sayings and her ability to make me laugh soooo hard.  The day before my mom passed she was over my house (like most days) and helped me with S.  She rocked him to sleep in her arms and didnt let me put him in his crib for a nap.  :)  That last night she had called me to ask me a question and the last thing I told her was goodnight mom I love you.  Talk to you in the morning.  Morning never came for her.  She is gone and there will forever be a part of me that aches for her to be here with me again.  I am very blessed to have God fill that void in my life.  His Love is what gets me through everyday.  Today is hard because I dont have Josh here.  I cant call him today and tell him how I feel.  Its very difficult not having him here but thankfully I have an amazing family and we will get through this day together.  I'm still waiting for it to get "easier" not sure that it ever will.  It's hard to know that my boys will never know my mom.  S was just a baby.  They will never be able to witness what an amazing person she was.  She wasnt perfect and she had her battles but she was filled with love and compassion and would drop everything in a heart beat to be there for us kids.  She cared about us more than anything in this world. 
So here we go week 15.  Only 12 more to go.  Josh is doing great.  It's not getting easier by all means but it is what it is and there is in end in sight.  Feb. 8th cant get here soon enough.  My mom would have been so extremely proud of Josh for doing this.  She always dreamed of being a cop.  I grew up listening to the police scanner and watching COPS on TV!  :) I'm tired and most of the time overwhelmed with emotion.  It's a hard month and holidays are not the same without my mom.  It's rough not having her here with me and my life will never be the same without her.  I miss her like crazy but I have hope I will see her again some day.   Thank you for caring enough to finish reading this long post. 

With Love,
Trina

Week 14

Week 14.......only 13 to go!  It feels soooooo good to have the first number larger than the second!  YAY!   We are on the down hill.  They say the last 3 months fly by, so I'm really hoping that holds true.  This time of year seems to normally fly by quickly so this year shouldnt be any different right?  :)  We had a great weekend!  Love, love, love the extra hour of sleep due to the time change.  Josh and I slept in on sat and pretty much stayed home all weekend because L was still sick.  It was soooooo nice to be home and relax.  We dont have the chance to do that most weekends.  I was talking about how it would be fun for the boys and I to go up there one weekend so Josh doesnt have to drive home but Josh doesnt think he would want/like that.  Theres something about being home thats soooo relaxing and normal!  I forget that even if I'm tired of being home Josh really misses it!  He misses it a lot!  He misses sleeping in his own bed in his own house.  Sounds silly but even to shower in his own shower and get ready in his own bathroom!  When you really think about it he is only home 4 whole days a month.  Sat is the only day he gets at home.  Friday nights he gets home so late and sunday afternoon hes back on the road.  Ohhhh the little things we take for granted.  So with that being said I dont think the boys and I will be going up north for the weekend unless for some reason Josh cant come home then maybe we will go up there.  :)  L is finally feeling better today.  Still has a runny nose but no more fever or upset tummy and so far S and I are still healthy.  Praying that Josh didnt catch it this weekend.  He has another busy week which is pretty much the norm up there.  Everything with the prescription sunglasses for the range did not work out.  They ordered the wrong lenses!!  Very very very frustrating.  I am tired of the run around with trying to get them and now it will be another week before we can get the right ones IF they order the correct ones this time..... so we are getting our money back and cancelling the whole thing!  Not sure how much they would have helped anyway.  He will be out at the range a few times this week so I'm praying that he continues to figure it out and learns to adjust.  Praying for him to have patience and confidence.  Praying that the Lord will guide and direct him.  Praying that in time of frustration and doubt that he will find comfort in Gods promises.  praying, praying, praying!  :)  With L feeling a little better I am hoping to have a regular week this week.  We are laying low today just to make sure hes all better but after today we have to get out of the house before I go crazy!  :)  This morning L cried for his daddy.  He pushed me away and said no mommy, me want daddy!  Daddy home!  As much as it broke my heart to see him miss his daddy it brought a smile to my face because Josh is such an amazing father and the boys love him soooooo soooooo much.  I would be worried if the boys didnt miss him.  We are getting closer and closer to the big day so meanwhile we will continue to keep on going day by day, week by week, month by month. 

With Love,
Trina

Halfway Point!

We are officially halfway done!  Yay!  So exciting but yet soooo discouraging too.  The past 3 months have been long and hard and I have to do it all over again for the next 3 months.  I'm trying to stay positive.  Time does go by.  Right now I'm just looking forward to friday night.  It's Halloween and the boys and I are staying home.  L is sick :( poor guy!  He is not sleeping so the nights have been miserable and I'm exhausted but thankfully theres coffee!  hahaha  Lets just say I have had more than my usual 1 cup a day this week.  Ok, I take that back......I've had more than my usual 1 cup a day since day 1 of the academy!  I keep reminding myself that I only have to be a single parent for 3 more months and then never, never again!  I am such a better person and mom with Josh by my side.  I definitely need him!  So far this week he is hanging in there.  Range is still not easy as hes trying his best to figure it out.  He's not too worried and keeps reminding me not to worry.  The good news is his prescription sunglasses came in so he will have them for next week.  We are not sure how much they will really help because his eye sight isn't that bad and thats not really the problem but it couldnt hurt to have corrected 20-20 and a crisp picture of the target.  It might make it a little easier for him to adjust....who knows.....but it's worth a shot!  He has two more weeks to practice before they get tested out at the range so please continue the prayers. 
The CHP website has been better with staying pretty close to up to date pics and blog on what the cadets are learning/doing.  It's fun to look at.  Just go to the CHP website and click on life at the academy.  Josh's class is ctc iii-12.  :)  New pics just got posted today. 
So heres to the start of the last half of the academy.  Praying that the months/weeks/days fly by quickly for the boys, myself and of course for Josh and the other cadets! 

With Love,
Trina

Week 13

I skipped another week on the blog soooo heres a little on how week 12 went.  We are doing much better with time management and figuring out how to balance everything.  Still working on it but doing better.  Thank you for your prayers.  Last Mon the 22nd was our anniversary so last Sat Josh and I said goodnight to the boys and went out for a late dinner.....just the two of us! After dinner Josh drove me out to one of the many places we stopped at when he proposed and we danced outside of the car.  (Something we did a lot when we were dating) :)  It was wonderful.  Thank you to my sister for watching the boys.  We celebrated 7 years.  :)  Time sure does fly....another reminder that the next 3 months will too!  Week 12 at the academy was very encouraging.  The senior class graduated on Friday.  It's a breath of fresh air to see that there is an end in sight.  I can remember on orientation day seeing the senior class there and now knowing that they graduated and now Josh is in the same spot they were 3 months ago is very exciting.  So now with the senior class gone and the next class not starting until next mon......this week Joshs class is the ONLY class at the academy.  Not a fun week for the cadets I've heard.  :(  They call it "hell week".  Good times.  Please keep him in your prayers a little extra this week.  His body was soooo sore going into this week and I can only imagine the pain he is and prob will continue to feel the rest of the week.  All worth it in the end though right?!  :)  Thats what we keep telling ourselves.  The great thing about him working out so much is his body has definitely changed the past 3 months!  I cant even imagine how great he is going to look in 3 more months!  hahaha you have to look at the positives right?! :)
Soooo week 13 here we go!  I know its going to be a tough one for him but he is strong and he will do well.  Wed is the official halfway point!  YAY!  Then it's all down hill from there.  Another thing to pray for....Josh has discovered that he is cross dominant with his eye sight.  So he is having a little bit of a rough start out at the range.  What that means is he is right handed but his left eye is his dominate eye.  And to make it even more complex when he shoots left handed his right eye wants to be dominant so he sees double.  We ordered him prescription sunglasses which hopefully will help a little bit. I guess its pretty common and he just has to adjust.    He already feels a little better about it all but still has a lot of work and practice to do.  Just a little bump in the road...I'm sure we will come across many more in the next 3 months as the pace at the academy seems to never slow down.  Our next goal to reach is Thanksgiving.  He gets 4 days off!  I cant wait!   Crazy to think we are almost done with another month!  God has been so good to us through all this.  Time is going by and we are all hanging in there! 

With Love,
Trina

Week 11

I didn't post last week so here is a little update on how it went.  Week 10!  Monday was horrible for Josh....very very homesick.....tues-fri went great!  It's pretty much like that every week.  You think I would  be use to it by now....but I'm not.  It's hard to hear him missing us, hard to watch the boys cry for him, hard to try and put a huge smile on my face when most of the time I want to give up.  This is not getting easier but its still due able.  Nothing about not having my Husband around is fun.  I am so thankful we are almost half way done.  If there wasn't an end in sight I don't think I could do it anymore.  We both have to remind each other that its only 6 months and pretty soon we will be to the half way point!  Yay!  So a funny story last week.  When Josh got back to his room and started to unpack his bag he found a little surprise.  :)  L decided to pack lightning McQueen and Mater for daddy!  hahaha  We are so thankful they didn't have a room inspection on Mon.  I could just see it now.  Josh getting in trouble for having toys in his room.  hahaha   We were smarter this week and kept Josh's bag out of reach.  :)

So we are staring week 11.  Yesterday was Josh's birthday.  We had a pretty good weekend.  Once again crazy busy with way too much to do.  Never enough time.  It's getting pretty exhausting saying the same thing every weekend, "next weekend we will be better and get up earlier so I (Josh) will have more time to play with the boys." It's a constant battle weekend after weekend.......it's sooooo hard say no to S when he is begging daddy to play with him but the sad reality is theres just not enough time to do it all.  We didn't have time to go to church again this weekend but we went anyway because we didn't go last weekend because we didn't have time.  It's crazy because you think well hes home all weekend.....but really he's not.  Really being home is just a distraction.  He really needs to study more, practice more, prepare for the week better.  I'm worried.  I don't want Josh to "just" graduate.  I want him to feel as prepared as possible when he gets on the road.  He feels the same way.  We both feel we need to be better.  We need to work harder.  It just sucks to sacrifice more time than what we already do.  It sucks that I don't really have a husband right now anyway and the tiny bit of time that I do I need to give it up.  I have to remind myself that we can still do chp work together so technically we are still spending time together just not the way we would prefer.  It's a battle we are trying to figure out.  Trying to find a healthy balance.  We don't want to say no to family and friends but we cant keep doing what we are doing.  Josh didn't get back to the academy until 11:30 last night because he still had so much to do.  He cant do that!  He prob only got 4 hrs of sleep which isn't unheard of during the week but on a Sunday night there is no reason for that. He needs his sleep.  I love him coming home every weekend but I'm starting to wonder if it's the best thing for him.  We always over commit ourselves and Sunday afternoon we are going crazy trying to get it all done.  Feeling rushed, emotional and just completely overwhelmed.  I don't think I can do it anymore.  I'm tired.   All in all though we are still doing good.  It's just not fun and some adjusting needs to be made.  *sigh*  It's just hard!  I'm sorry if this post seems like I'm just complaining.......well I pretty much am.  It's really all going to be OK.  It's not the end of the world and we will get through this and figure it out.  Theres a lot to be grateful for.  A lot of good has already come out of this situation and we look forward to the blessings it will bring in the future.  It's just a season in our lives and it too shall pass.  :)  I'm hopeful and know that we are in good hands.  We just want to make sure we are giving it our all and doing our part too!  Prayers much needed for both of us to be better.  Thank you.

With Love,
Trina

Week 8..Check, Week 9...here we go!

Week 8....check!  Week 9.....here we go.  2 months behind us...only 4 to go.  At the end of this week we are 1/3 of the way done!  whoo hoo :)  I didn't post last week because it was a pretty crazy week.  I potty trained L.  It started off really really good and is still going good but not great.  Last thurs we only had one partial accident, friday NO accidents and then sat we had two and yesterday one.  So he is still doing good, just not great!  So I'm hoping today we will be back to NO accidents.  :)  Wishful thinking?  probably, but we will see.  So with all of that going on I didn't find the energy to write. 

So it's October! This is mine and Josh's month! 8 years ago today was the first day that he bought me flowers asking if we could just be "friends" hahaha.....13 days later we had our first kiss and he asked me to be his "girlfriend" :) 1 yr and 8 days later we said our vows and I became his wife! :) Love October! Best month ever! 

I still have been able to talk to Josh on the phone every night which is a huge blessing.  I love hearing about his days.  We had a very busy but great weekend.  I am so thankful he was here.  Sat was was my moms birthday.  She would have turned 50!  The big 50.  It's crazy to think how different that day would have been if she was still alive.  I'm sure I would have thrown a huge party!  I know I would have thrown a huge party!  :)  I did great most of the day.  Lost it a little in the morning but was comforted by Josh.  So glad he was there to hold me.  I'm not sure if it will ever get easier like they say it will.  Its still hard and it still sucks.  I miss her.  I tried so hard to be strong because I didn't want to add stress to Josh but didn't quit make it.  It helped having friends over sat night just to get my emotions under control.  Josh has always been the one to get me through these tough times so I'm not sure how I'm going to do without him.  Trying not to think about it too much. 

This week is a big week for him.  He started EVOC (driving) today.  YAY!  Very exciting for him.   I know he is going to do great and I cant wait to hear all about it tonight.  Keep him in your prayers this week please.  A lot going on.  :)  Sunday nights are still really hard but getting better.  We had a very eventful night last night.  When we drove Josh to our pick-up/drop-off place to head back to the academy a truck driver approached us and asked if we lived around here and if we knew anyone who owned a tractor to help him......his truck was high centered STUCK in the dirt!  Ummmmmm...........ok what do we do?  We didn't have a chain with us and I really doubt if we did we could do anything.  Joshs ride was about 10-15 min behind so we sat there watching this guy completely hopeless.  He knew nobody around here......he was stuck!  You could just see in his eyes that his whole world was ending.  I looked at Josh and said I don't know how but we have to help this guy.  Josh felt the same way.  We called a friend who came out with his truck, a chain, a shovel, and some wood and less than an hour later the truck driver was on his way back on the road!  God is good!  Grant you Rock!  Josh wasn't able to stay and watch/help because his ride showed up and on the road back to the academy they went but S insisted that we stay and watch so we did.  The driver later told Grant (our friend who came to the rescue) that if he had to call a tow truck out to help him he would have lost his job!  No wonder he looked like his world was going to end!  I am so thankful we were able to lend a helping hand and so thankful for amazing friends who are willing to drop everything to come help a total stranger! 

With Love,
Trina  

Week 7......DONE!

One more week down!  Yay!  What a crazy emotional week.  I have been doing great but this week hit me hard.  This was the first week that I had fear about not making it to graduation day.  Up to this point anyone who has gone home has voluntarily quit.  I know Josh is not going to willingly leave so I had comfort in this....security....but this week was the start of...."if you dont pass you have one more chance and then you could be sent home."  Not a fun feeling...and it's just the beginning.  We have sooooo many more hurdles to jump before graduation day.  I read that more senior cadets were sent home for not passing something....they were 5 weeks away from graduation!  5 weeks left!  And now it is over for them.  Just a reminder that at anytime during this you could be sent home.  It's nothing that I didnt already know going into this.  It's not new news!  It's just that it really hit me this week.  I really thought I was stronger than this.  I thought that my Trust in the Lord was stronger.  This week proved that I have a lot of room to grow.....a lot.  I need to grow because I refuse to worry.  I refuse to not Trust in God.  I refuse to dwell over things I have no control over.  I refuse.  I will not be a person that lives in fear of the unknown.  I just wont!  I am doing a bible study by James MacDonald, Always True: God's promises when life is hard, and it is the perfect study for what I need right now.  One of the women in the study said something that really helped....93% of what we worry about NEVER happens!  How crazy to think all the time wasted on something that doesnt exist.  Sooooo true.  Here I was worried for Josh this week and he didnt even get tested.  It will probably be next week.  All this fear and worrying for nothing!  So I'm taking a deep breath and giving it up now once and for all.  I know Josh is doing his very best and I know God is in complete control.  So there.....I will continue to work on not worrying and truly giving it all up to Him.  :)  The good thing that came from this crazy emotional week was that it motivated me to get out all my fall decor.  Josh is going to be surprised when he walks through the door tonight!  I had a blast redecorating the living room and kitchen.  I was reminded that a lot of my fall decorations were gifts from my mom, which always brings a smile to my face.  I love thinking about her and remembering all the good things about her.  She loved decorating for the seasons.  :)  Life is good.  It's Friday!  Josh should be home in a few hours.  I cant wait!  Praying for a relaxing weekend with the man of my dreams, my amazing Husband.  :)

With Love,
Trina     

Week 6

Well yesterday was the first Monday that went really well for Josh!  I am soooooo thankful for that.  He said even though the pace of things is still picking up he feels like this week will be a better week.  I have a feeling that he is adjusting, if thats even possible, to the craziness of academy life.  He sounded great on the phone last night.  He amazes me more and more everyday.  I can not believe the amount of information he has memorized.  Absolutely incredible!  When we talk on the phone we go over the gazillion codes he has to know and I quiz him.  It's kind of fun for me to be a part of it.  I love being on the phone studying with him, quizzing him, listening to him interact with his roommates.  It helps me cope with the fact that this part of Joshs life I will never really be able to be a part of.  It's strange to think about the fact that this season in his life will just be a story he tells me. I will never be able to witness him in action at the academy.  I will never see him in his academy blues.  Just strange to think about.  I think you get so comfortable being a part of your husbands everyday life so its weird that he has a completely different life sun night through fri.  A life I will never really know.  Just crazy but its all good.  :) 
The boys and I are having a great week so far.  We had fun this last weekend hanging out with family.  Josh's brother was in town from NC and it was fun to catch up on things.  L turns 2 on Sat.  I'm not sure how ok I am with that.  I'm really missing having a baby and he is def not a baby anymore!  Time goes by way too fast.  Another reminder that the next 5 months will fly by as well.  :)

With Love,
Trina   

Week 5

1 month down only 5 to go!  Here we go month 2!  We are doing as good as to be expected I guess.  Last weekend we had a great day at Hume and enjoyed spending time with family and friends.  There was a lot of work to do Sat night and Sunday before Josh headed back but after hours of studying and working on stuff Josh was packed and ready to go back to the academy.  I'm not sure if Sundays will ever be easy for us.  Josh and I just feel sick to the stomach most of the day.  Eating dinner together before he leaves is so difficult.  We try to be in good spirits but its hard knowing that he will be gone for another week.  I have to say goodbye to him 22 more times!  22 more Sunday nights with the boys crying and missing their daddy.  L cried for Josh this morning and S told him, "it's ok, just relax and daddy will be home soon.  I miss him too brother."  So hard hearing your 4 year old comfort your 2 year old but I am so proud of S.  Time and time again I am reminded that this is all for a reason.  It's a live in training for a reason.  In a way it is preparing me to say goodbye before each shift not knowing 100% if I will ever see my Husband again.  Yesterday Josh received news that a CHP Officer was fatally shot.  He is a Husband and a father of 4 children.  This is my new reality.  We obviously have had numerous conversations about this risk prior to saying yes to the CHP and we both believe that if the Lord is going to call Josh home nothing can stop him.  We are not in control.  Josh has never been "mine" to begin with.  He is Gods child and I have the honor and privilege to be his partner in life, his wife.  With that being said God will decide when Josh leaves this earth and enters His kingdom.  Nobody else!  It is so comforting to know that no matter how dangerous his job is going to be I know the Lord will protect him until his final day.  I'm not so certain that I would be feeling this way 4 years ago but my attitude towards death has changed a lot since I lost my mom.  Death is part of life.  It is not easy to deal with and it causes a ton of pain but its part of life.  The day I changed my attitude was the day I thanked the Lord for taking my mom instead of being upset with God...I began to Praise him more.  His plan is perfect.  It may not be what we want or think is best for us but He knows and I trust Him completely.  This is a lot easier to say and I wont pretend that it doesn't turn my stomach upside down....it does.  I can not imagine my life without Josh in it and I prefer not to think about it too much.  Just after hearing news of another officer yesterday made me think about it.  It is a risk and I pray that I will never have to loose Josh but I am prepared and I know God will be with me every step of the way.  My heart aches for the officers family and friends and I ask that you would please keep them in your prayers. 

With Love,
Trina

Week 4

It's Tuesday of week 4!  I am so excited to be able to say that on Friday we are 1 month down!  YAY!!!!!  What an amazing feeling to know that we are still staying strong and feel confident that we can do this.  I didn't feel like posting yesterday or Sunday and I am so thankful I didn't because I am in a much better mood today.  Sundays and Mondays are just hard.  Simply difficult to get through.  I've just excepted it for what it is and am thankful that tuesdays and the rest of the week is better.  S is in pre-school on tuesdays and its Grammie day!  My mother-in-law takes care of the boys for me every tuesday, which is a huge blessing because I get a whole day to myself.  I don't know very many stay at home moms that get such a special treat!  It's wonderful to be able to run around without unloading the boys and dragging them around in this heat!  I also get a kid free house to crank up the music and get the bleach out!  Tuesdays are bathroom cleaning days at this house!  Well "most" tuesdays.  :)  I had a meeting last night for my moms group at church (MOPS) and had a wonderful time getting to know some of the girls a little better.  I have the privilege of serving with an amazing group of ladies and am really looking forward to this year.  Funny story from Sunday.  After Josh left S again cried and wanted to follow daddy to academy school.  So I explained that we were not allowed at daddys school and couldn't go so S took a deep breath shook off the tears and said, "Mom it's ok I can handle it!"  :)  Love his 4 year old mind.  He reminds me during the week that he is the man of the house until daddy gets home so I don't need to worry.  He will take care of me!  :)  So precious.  Josh is doing outstanding!  (that's what he is suppose to say if someone asks how he is doing)  but really he is doing good and staying strong.  The work load is increasing but he is doing great.  He cant wait to get to his first short term goal...this weekend, 1 month down!  Life is still a crazy wild emotional ride but it's our life and we are in it together.  So encouraging to know that I am not alone!  :)

With Love,
Trina

Almost Friday

Tomorrow is Friday and it seems forever away.  This week has gone by pretty slow considering everything we've done.  S started pre-school and loves it!  Tues night we had S's favorite meal (french toast) thanks to Katie!  We had a great time hanging out and going swimming, thank you again guys!  Today is my dads birthday so he came into town and we caught up for lunch.  Love it when he hangs out.  The boys have so much fun with him.  For those of you that don't know my dad he turned 53 today but has the energy of a 5 year old and according to S he turned 5 today not 53!  :)  My dad is always there for me along with every other family member of mine.  I was reminded today how blessed I am to have such a strong support group through all this, family and friends included.  They are really making this craziness duable.  So if I haven't told you guys thank you enough, thank you!  I love you.  I'm looking forward to tomorrow.  I purposely try to hold things off to do around the house until Friday because the busier I am the faster the time goes by.  Staying busy is key.  If I'm bored I can easily get into a poor pity me mood and that is not good.  I refuse to be unhappy no matter what.  Monday was a bad day.  Didn't go to the gym.  Didn't go anywhere.  Very bad day.  The good news is tues, wed and today were much better.  :) 

Josh is hanging in there.  Hes looking forward to coming home tomorrow and spending time with the boys.  His biggest struggle has nothing to do with the academy, not that it isn't a struggle in itself of course, but the toughest thing for him is being away from home.  Its a huge adjustment.  He will get through it though.  Hes very thankful he is busy so he doesn't have too much time to think about it.  I pray nightly that he can shut his brain off to get some sleep.  Day after day he puts his head down and does what he is asked to do.  I am so thankful for a hard working husband!  It sounds like we have a lot to do this weekend so I'm hoping that he can find time to rest a little bit, if not at least we will be together during it.  Is it Friday yet?!  .......soon enough!

With Love,
Trina   

Week 3!

Well here we go week 3!  We had a much better weekend than last.  I felt like we had more time to just relax and enjoy Josh being home.  I'm hopeful that every weekend will just get better as we find a good routine to get stuff done.  Our goal from here on out is to finish all our "to do's" on Sat. so Sunday we can actually relax and have a somewhat normal family day! (If there is a such thing in this season of our life.)  It's nice to wake up on Sunday and know we are packed and all ready to go so we can go to church and spend stress free time with friends and family.  When I think that we are already on week 3 I am excited because we have two weeks behind us and looking back they actually went by pretty fast.  I have to be careful not to think about how many weeks are ahead because in doing so I feel like we cant do this.  I cant take care of our boys by myself until Feb!  So when I start feeling like this I take a deep breath and try to find short term goals.  Josh is thinking the same way.  We have to remind each other that we just have to take it week by week.  Short term goals will lead to the end goal.......Graduation Day!  The start day of a whole new life for us.  The last two Mondays have been Josh's hardest days so I'm hoping that today will be the first "good" Monday for him.  Sunday nights are the hardest for me and the boys.  When daddy left both boys cried and S yelled at me to follow daddy to academy school!  Moments like this make it seem too difficult to handle but thankfully the Lord has given me the strength during these times to get through them.  We decided that cake pops would make our tears go away.  :)  So with a starbucks g-card (thanks to my amazing neighbor! :) we all enjoyed a little treat.  I haven't had much motivation today but I'm doing just fine.  Tomorrow is a big day for us.  S starts pre-school!  Yay!  He can't wait.  My week has already filled up with places to go and friends to visit which makes it so nice!  I do so much better if I have a reason to get dress and out of the house.  L is down for a nap and when he wakes up I am making myself go to the gym.  Its been way too long since I've worked out and I need to get back into a healthy routine.  I don't want to go because I feel like I have no energy but I know I will feel better if I can just make it there!  I cant wait to hear from Josh tonight.  I am so proud of him! 

With Love,
Trina      

Its Friday! :)

We love Fridays!!!!!!  We have had a great week.  Josh has passed all his exams and even got 100% on one of them.  He has called every night this week which really makes a difference.  Just hearing his voice can get me through until the next phone call.  The bad news is Josh is sick.  His throat hurts and he is congested.  His roommate had the flu in the beg of the week so we are praying it doesn't turn into that.  He is loading up on Vit. C and hopefully this weekend he can get some much needed rest! 

The boys and I were blessed with another meal last night.  We went over to my Father in laws for dinner and went swimming.  Such a fun time!  We are still trying to get S to really "enjoy" swimming.  No success yet!  We know for sure he will not be an Olympic swimmer!  hahaha  We had a surprise visit this morning from Uncle Jake!  He brought donuts by for the boys!  S said, "it must be Friday!"  :)  For those of you that don't know, Josh use to get donuts for the boys every Friday as a special treat!  Last Friday was the first non-donut Friday in a long time so this morning was really special.  Thank you Uncle Jake! 

Well I better get going.  Theres lots to do today and the boys are done eating their donuts.  Time to dust, vacuum, grocery store, sign making, balloons to blow up :)..... all kinds of fun stuff to get ready for Daddy to come home tonight!  YAY! 

With Love,
Trina 

Halfway through week 2

We are halfway through week 2!  Yay!  The week has gone by pretty fast for us.  Mon night I went to MOPS registration and it was filled with lots of laughs and great fellowship.  I am soooo looking forward to this year.  Josh called while I was there and sounded not so good.  He was exhausted both mentally and physically.  Phone calls like that are difficult to handle because all I really want to do is break down and cry and tell him I'm so sorry but instead I take a deep breath tell him I am so proud of him and remind him he can do it!  I reassure him we are doing great and S just thinks his dad is the coolest man ever!!!!!  I agree with S!  :)  It def helped getting a phone call like that when I was surrounded by amazing women of Faith.  Thank you girls for everyone who prayed for Josh.  Last night when he called he was high spirited and back to his normal self.  If there is a such thing as "normal" up there. 

Yesterday was a great day for us.  The boys and I had a fun day with Grammie at the water park, panara for lunch.....YUM and tumble-tap class for S.  After that the boys and I ate a fabulous home cooked meal thanks to some amazing friends, Gary and Vanessa!!!  I even got to take left overs home!  Such a treat.  Ive discovered that I do not cook for just me and the boys.  We have had lots of pb&j, mac n cheese and pb&h (honey).  So thank you again Vanessa for the "real" food.  :)  

Great news!  Josh passed his first test!   Yay!!!  He is doing great even if he doesn't feel like he is always.  Everyday we are closer and closer to graduation day which is very exciting.  Last week was so much harder than this week so that is encouraging.  I feel like I have a lot more control of my emotions this week.  Thank you Lord for giving me the strength!  I'm looking forward to hearing Josh's voice again tonight praying he has a good day!   

With Love,
Trina  

Week 2...here we go!

I am so thankful we live close enough for Josh to come home most weekends.  We had a crazy busy but overall great weekend.....that went by way too fast.  The boys and I were so happy to have him home.  S hardly left Josh's side!  He wanted to help daddy with everything and pretty much followed him wherever he went.  He even wanted to help him study and when I suggested he should watch a movie and let daddy be for a min he said, "no thank you mom.  I'm going to watch daddy do his homework."  How do you say no to that?!  :)  Josh is doing great.  He has the perfect attitude and outlook on everything.  I am so proud of him!

So my goal this week is to try not to be so emotional.  I really am doing ok, just extremely tearful.  It's starting to affect S though so I need to be careful.  He told Josh that he took care of me and kissed away all my tears because mommy cried a lot.  On Friday night when I told him we were going to pick up daddy he looked at me and asked, "Does that mean you are not going to cry anymore and be happy?"  That is a little too much added stress for a 4 year old!  I need to be taking care of him...not the other way around!  So that is my goal for week 2.  Hold in my tears as much as possible around the boys.  I know there will be times we all cry together and that is healthy but last week was a little too much.  Looking back at the week though I think to myself it wasn't really that bad and it went by pretty fast.  So I'm going to try to remind myself this week that it too will be over before we know it and Friday will come and we will get to spend the weekend with Josh.  So here we go week 2!

With Love,
Trina    

Day 4

Trying to stay happy.  No phone call tonight.  :(  I have to remind myself that I am very lucky that he was able to call the other nights.  Its just really hard not knowing how his day went or how he is feeling.  The good news is I will get to for sure not only talk to him tomorrow but SEE him!!!!  Yay...I cant wait!  We have a huge calendar in S's room so he can cross off the days.  I have the days that daddy comes home marked with a big smiling face so before S went to bed tonight and crossed off today he saw that tomorrow we get to see daddy.  He was sooooo happy.  I had to explain that it wouldn't be until really late tomorrow night but we would wait up for him.  :)  I'm not sure if his little 4 year old mind really understands all this but so far he is doing pretty good.  He has cried a few times for Josh but overall hes doing great.  L is too little to understand.  This morning he called for dad and when I went into his room I reminded him that daddy was at his CHP school.  He looked at me and said oh.  :)  That was that.  Going to try to get some sleep.  Still a little hopeful that a phone call might come before 10.  Not very much time left so I doubt it.  (Sigh)  This is hard.

Trina  

Days 2-3

We are all doing good.  Josh has called home both nights and sounds like he is adjusting well.  He has spent most of the last 2 days in the classroom and has a lot to memorize.  He was shinning his boots tonight as he was talking to me because he has no "free" time.  They start the day at 4:30 am and don't stop until 9:00 pm.  At 9:00 is when they have time to study and prepare for the next day!  It's crazy!  He is the perfect man for the job though.  Lack of sleep and too much on his plate to handle.....that's my man!  :)  He has to do PT in the morning and I will be setting my alarm tonight to wake up and pray for him to have the endurance and strength to do every last push-up, sit-up, mountain climber, jumping jack and whatever else he has to do.  I know he will do great.  Josh is very strong. 

As for me and the boys, we have had pretty normal days.  I almost forgot to take the yard trash out yesterday until I heard the truck and quickly pulled the trash can to the curb.  Another thing I don't ever think about doing because Josh always did it.  Hopefully I wont forget Friday for the waste trash.  :)  The good news is I haven't forgotten to feed Shelby (our dog).  Josh was worried about that one.  I killed a spider today which is huge for me!  Thought about calling someone then quickly got over my fear and went for it.  hahaha  L is a little under the weather.  I'm hoping its just allergies but we will see.  He slept 14 hours last night and took a 2 hour nap today and had no problem going to bed at 8 tonight!!!  I must say this morning was really nice and quite.  S and I relaxed on the couch watching a movie while I sipped on my coffee.  Hoping L feels better in the morning.  We made prayer cards for Josh today.  S folded them up and put them in his back pack so we can randomly pull as many as we want throughout the day and pray for what the card says.  I better get some sleep tonight.  I promised Josh I would start memorizing the codes so I can help him study this weekend.  I haven't told him I started blogging and I don't think I want to.  The last we talked about it he gave me the name for the blog but I told him I wasn't going to do it.  I want him to stay focused on his stuff and not be distracted by home.  When he graduates he can catch up on the next 6 months.   The days are long, nights even longer, eyes are still puffy but I know in the end it will all be worth it.

With Love,
Trina

Intro and Day 1!

Hello, my name is Trina and I am starting this blog because my husband Josh just started the California Highway Patrol Academy.  For those of you who don't know us here is a little info and for our family and friends who do know us I hope this will be a way to keep you posted on how we are doing and prayer needs.  This October we will be celebrating 7 yrs of marriage and we have two boys S who is 4 and L who will be 2 next month.  We started this journey over 3 yrs ago when our first son was 8 mo. old and here we are today one day down of the academy life!  I have never blogged or even thought about blogging before but after following another cadets wife's blog (peasant living) who is currently half way through the process I quickly changed my mind.  She has inspired me in so many ways and I hope I will be able to do the same for someone out there who will be or is currently going through this craziness too.  I do not plan on filtering my thoughts on this blog.  I am not going to pretend that this process is easy because after only one day into it I can tell you it is extremely difficult!  However, we serve an Amazing God who gives us Hope and through this process I know he will bless us. 

Day 1:
We survived!  :)  Josh and I were blessed by family as we were able to spend the whole weekend up in Sacramento together.  We had a great weekend.  The craziness began for us on Sunday as we attended the CHP orientation along with what felt like 500 other people!  I am not sure how many people are in Josh's class but somewhere around 160.  I want to share just a little story on how the Lord as already blessed us.  Like I mentioned earlier I have been following another cadets wife's blog and so has another cadets wife.  She and I last week commented on one of her posts thanking her for the blog and informing her our husbands would soon be joining hers.  So here I am at orientation with around 500 other cadets and their families and during break I start chatting with a wife who is sitting directly behind me.  Come to find out she was the other blogger who commented on the same blog I did!!!!  what are the odds?!  God is so good.  I gave her my info and we have connected since then.  I ask that you would keep their family in your prayers as well.  Her husbands name is Brian and they have 3 girls.  If any specific prayer requests come up I will let you know. 

So last night I received an unexpected phone call from Josh!  I just started crying when I heard my phone ring and saw that it was him.  I quickly took a deep breath held my tears in and answered like everything was going great at home.  He was tearful and sounded overwhelmed and just exhausted.  He reassured me that he was doing great and can do this.  I am so proud of him!  For those of you that don't know Josh he can do anything he sets his mind to and he never gives up.  He knows what he wants and goes after it.  Josh never settles for second best and is always eager to grow and follow where the Lord leads him.  He has only been gone 1 day and I already miss him like crazy.  It was a huge blessing just to hear his voice last night even if it was for only a few min and to know that he is ok.  He told me they had one cadet who already dropped out.  I look forward to hearing his voice again.  He said he was doubtful they will be able to turn on cell phones again until Friday but then again he wasn't suppose to be able to turn it on last night either.  So you just never know.  In the meantime I will try to get a grip of these tears and go on with my days.  Thank you to those of you who are praying for us and care enough to read and follow this blog.  We appreciate you very much. 

With Love,
Trina