Week 7......DONE!

One more week down!  Yay!  What a crazy emotional week.  I have been doing great but this week hit me hard.  This was the first week that I had fear about not making it to graduation day.  Up to this point anyone who has gone home has voluntarily quit.  I know Josh is not going to willingly leave so I had comfort in this....security....but this week was the start of...."if you dont pass you have one more chance and then you could be sent home."  Not a fun feeling...and it's just the beginning.  We have sooooo many more hurdles to jump before graduation day.  I read that more senior cadets were sent home for not passing something....they were 5 weeks away from graduation!  5 weeks left!  And now it is over for them.  Just a reminder that at anytime during this you could be sent home.  It's nothing that I didnt already know going into this.  It's not new news!  It's just that it really hit me this week.  I really thought I was stronger than this.  I thought that my Trust in the Lord was stronger.  This week proved that I have a lot of room to grow.....a lot.  I need to grow because I refuse to worry.  I refuse to not Trust in God.  I refuse to dwell over things I have no control over.  I refuse.  I will not be a person that lives in fear of the unknown.  I just wont!  I am doing a bible study by James MacDonald, Always True: God's promises when life is hard, and it is the perfect study for what I need right now.  One of the women in the study said something that really helped....93% of what we worry about NEVER happens!  How crazy to think all the time wasted on something that doesnt exist.  Sooooo true.  Here I was worried for Josh this week and he didnt even get tested.  It will probably be next week.  All this fear and worrying for nothing!  So I'm taking a deep breath and giving it up now once and for all.  I know Josh is doing his very best and I know God is in complete control.  So there.....I will continue to work on not worrying and truly giving it all up to Him.  :)  The good thing that came from this crazy emotional week was that it motivated me to get out all my fall decor.  Josh is going to be surprised when he walks through the door tonight!  I had a blast redecorating the living room and kitchen.  I was reminded that a lot of my fall decorations were gifts from my mom, which always brings a smile to my face.  I love thinking about her and remembering all the good things about her.  She loved decorating for the seasons.  :)  Life is good.  It's Friday!  Josh should be home in a few hours.  I cant wait!  Praying for a relaxing weekend with the man of my dreams, my amazing Husband.  :)

With Love,
Trina     

Week 6

Well yesterday was the first Monday that went really well for Josh!  I am soooooo thankful for that.  He said even though the pace of things is still picking up he feels like this week will be a better week.  I have a feeling that he is adjusting, if thats even possible, to the craziness of academy life.  He sounded great on the phone last night.  He amazes me more and more everyday.  I can not believe the amount of information he has memorized.  Absolutely incredible!  When we talk on the phone we go over the gazillion codes he has to know and I quiz him.  It's kind of fun for me to be a part of it.  I love being on the phone studying with him, quizzing him, listening to him interact with his roommates.  It helps me cope with the fact that this part of Joshs life I will never really be able to be a part of.  It's strange to think about the fact that this season in his life will just be a story he tells me. I will never be able to witness him in action at the academy.  I will never see him in his academy blues.  Just strange to think about.  I think you get so comfortable being a part of your husbands everyday life so its weird that he has a completely different life sun night through fri.  A life I will never really know.  Just crazy but its all good.  :) 
The boys and I are having a great week so far.  We had fun this last weekend hanging out with family.  Josh's brother was in town from NC and it was fun to catch up on things.  L turns 2 on Sat.  I'm not sure how ok I am with that.  I'm really missing having a baby and he is def not a baby anymore!  Time goes by way too fast.  Another reminder that the next 5 months will fly by as well.  :)

With Love,
Trina   

Week 5

1 month down only 5 to go!  Here we go month 2!  We are doing as good as to be expected I guess.  Last weekend we had a great day at Hume and enjoyed spending time with family and friends.  There was a lot of work to do Sat night and Sunday before Josh headed back but after hours of studying and working on stuff Josh was packed and ready to go back to the academy.  I'm not sure if Sundays will ever be easy for us.  Josh and I just feel sick to the stomach most of the day.  Eating dinner together before he leaves is so difficult.  We try to be in good spirits but its hard knowing that he will be gone for another week.  I have to say goodbye to him 22 more times!  22 more Sunday nights with the boys crying and missing their daddy.  L cried for Josh this morning and S told him, "it's ok, just relax and daddy will be home soon.  I miss him too brother."  So hard hearing your 4 year old comfort your 2 year old but I am so proud of S.  Time and time again I am reminded that this is all for a reason.  It's a live in training for a reason.  In a way it is preparing me to say goodbye before each shift not knowing 100% if I will ever see my Husband again.  Yesterday Josh received news that a CHP Officer was fatally shot.  He is a Husband and a father of 4 children.  This is my new reality.  We obviously have had numerous conversations about this risk prior to saying yes to the CHP and we both believe that if the Lord is going to call Josh home nothing can stop him.  We are not in control.  Josh has never been "mine" to begin with.  He is Gods child and I have the honor and privilege to be his partner in life, his wife.  With that being said God will decide when Josh leaves this earth and enters His kingdom.  Nobody else!  It is so comforting to know that no matter how dangerous his job is going to be I know the Lord will protect him until his final day.  I'm not so certain that I would be feeling this way 4 years ago but my attitude towards death has changed a lot since I lost my mom.  Death is part of life.  It is not easy to deal with and it causes a ton of pain but its part of life.  The day I changed my attitude was the day I thanked the Lord for taking my mom instead of being upset with God...I began to Praise him more.  His plan is perfect.  It may not be what we want or think is best for us but He knows and I trust Him completely.  This is a lot easier to say and I wont pretend that it doesn't turn my stomach upside down....it does.  I can not imagine my life without Josh in it and I prefer not to think about it too much.  Just after hearing news of another officer yesterday made me think about it.  It is a risk and I pray that I will never have to loose Josh but I am prepared and I know God will be with me every step of the way.  My heart aches for the officers family and friends and I ask that you would please keep them in your prayers. 

With Love,
Trina