Week 5

1 month down only 5 to go!  Here we go month 2!  We are doing as good as to be expected I guess.  Last weekend we had a great day at Hume and enjoyed spending time with family and friends.  There was a lot of work to do Sat night and Sunday before Josh headed back but after hours of studying and working on stuff Josh was packed and ready to go back to the academy.  I'm not sure if Sundays will ever be easy for us.  Josh and I just feel sick to the stomach most of the day.  Eating dinner together before he leaves is so difficult.  We try to be in good spirits but its hard knowing that he will be gone for another week.  I have to say goodbye to him 22 more times!  22 more Sunday nights with the boys crying and missing their daddy.  L cried for Josh this morning and S told him, "it's ok, just relax and daddy will be home soon.  I miss him too brother."  So hard hearing your 4 year old comfort your 2 year old but I am so proud of S.  Time and time again I am reminded that this is all for a reason.  It's a live in training for a reason.  In a way it is preparing me to say goodbye before each shift not knowing 100% if I will ever see my Husband again.  Yesterday Josh received news that a CHP Officer was fatally shot.  He is a Husband and a father of 4 children.  This is my new reality.  We obviously have had numerous conversations about this risk prior to saying yes to the CHP and we both believe that if the Lord is going to call Josh home nothing can stop him.  We are not in control.  Josh has never been "mine" to begin with.  He is Gods child and I have the honor and privilege to be his partner in life, his wife.  With that being said God will decide when Josh leaves this earth and enters His kingdom.  Nobody else!  It is so comforting to know that no matter how dangerous his job is going to be I know the Lord will protect him until his final day.  I'm not so certain that I would be feeling this way 4 years ago but my attitude towards death has changed a lot since I lost my mom.  Death is part of life.  It is not easy to deal with and it causes a ton of pain but its part of life.  The day I changed my attitude was the day I thanked the Lord for taking my mom instead of being upset with God...I began to Praise him more.  His plan is perfect.  It may not be what we want or think is best for us but He knows and I trust Him completely.  This is a lot easier to say and I wont pretend that it doesn't turn my stomach upside down....it does.  I can not imagine my life without Josh in it and I prefer not to think about it too much.  Just after hearing news of another officer yesterday made me think about it.  It is a risk and I pray that I will never have to loose Josh but I am prepared and I know God will be with me every step of the way.  My heart aches for the officers family and friends and I ask that you would please keep them in your prayers. 

With Love,
Trina